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Editor’s note: Agnes Poirier is a French journalist and political analyst who contributes regularly to newspapers, magazines and TV in the UK, U.S., France, Italy. Follow @AgnesCPoirier on Twitter.

Paris (CNN) — The gesture couldn’t have been more dramatic, nor the setting more grand: 78-year-old French writer and historian Dominique Venner chose the altar of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris to shoot himself in front of about 1,500 horrified visitors. Just before pulling the trigger, he had meticulously laid a letter on the altar for the police.

Venner, a former paratrooper and member of the Secret Army Organization (OAS), a group opposed to Algeria’s independence and which waged a war of terror against Charles de Gaulle and his government in the early 1960s, was a theorist of the French Extreme Right.

Marine Le Pen, leader of the Extreme-Right National Front party, provoked controversy when immediately took to Twitter to salute Venner’s “political gesture,” concluding that he had tried “to wake France up.”

“Venner’s models were ancient Greece and ancient Rome, he was a pagan and an anti-Christian but chose a highly symbolic place of western civilization to kill himself, ” commented Christophe Forcari in the French daily newspaper Libération.

In a last post on his blog, he backed the anti-same-sex marriage march planned for this Sunday. He wrote that demonstrators were “right to shout their impatience and anger” and that laws could be overturned if the people shouted loudly enough. A xenophobe, he loathed multicultural France and called for radical and symbolic acts to “reawaken the memory of our origins.”

By committing suicide in such a fashion, Venner certainly hoped to show the way to like-minded radical militants; he recently wrote: “sometimes words are not enough, they need to be substantiated by acts.”

The four-month-long campaign on the same-sex marriage bill, during which supporters and protesters fought each other, sometimes violently, with hundreds of arrests, certainly antagonized the country in unexpected ways.

If a majority of the French people backed equality of treatment and therefore civil union for all, with its strings of fiscal advantages, they did however split on the second part of the bill, and the question of adoption rights and access to IVF for gays and lesbians.

Read more: Hollande signs same-sex marriage bill

In France, unlike in Britain for example, adoption and IVF for gay couples — alongside automatic joint parenting rights — was still illegal until last Saturday and remains controversial, simply because it touches on the highly sensitive question of family and what family is made of.

Surveys have showed that the divide is both political and generational: The Left is, for the most part, in favour of the same-sex marriage law while the hard Right, and leaders of the French Catholics, Muslims and Jews oppose it. The young, the educated and women are the main supporters of Hollande’s law.

The National Assembly was the theater where such French uneasiness played out: The bill required 172 hours of heated and angry discussion, and was the most debated in recent history. Even the laws introducing abortion in 1974, and the abolition of the death penalty in 1981, required fewer hours of debate in parliament and proved less contentious.

France is the ninth country in Europe (and the 14th in the world) to adopt same-sex marriage. The first civil union of this kind, between two gay men, will take place in Montpellier next week. It will likely take years for the whole of French society to adjust to this new reality.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Agnes Poirier.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/23/opinion/opinion-poirier-same-sex-marriage-suicide/index.html?eref=edition

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Editor’s note: Agnes Poirier is a French journalist and political analyst who contributes regularly to newspapers, magazines and TV in the UK, U.S., France, Italy. Follow @AgnesCPoirier on Twitter.

Paris (CNN) — The gesture couldn’t have been more dramatic, nor the setting more grand: 78-year-old French writer and historian Dominique Venner chose the altar of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris to shoot himself in front of about 1,500 horrified visitors. Just before pulling the trigger, he had meticulously laid a letter on the altar for the police.

Venner, a former paratrooper and member of the Secret Army Organization (OAS), a group opposed to Algeria’s independence and which waged a war of terror against Charles de Gaulle and his government in the early 1960s, was a theorist of the French Extreme Right.

Marine Le Pen, leader of the Extreme-Right National Front party, provoked controversy when immediately took to Twitter to salute Venner’s “political gesture,” concluding that he had tried “to wake France up.”

“Venner’s models were ancient Greece and ancient Rome, he was a pagan and an anti-Christian but chose a highly symbolic place of western civilization to kill himself, ” commented Christophe Forcari in the French daily newspaper Libération.

In a last post on his blog, he backed the anti-same-sex marriage march planned for this Sunday. He wrote that demonstrators were “right to shout their impatience and anger” and that laws could be overturned if the people shouted loudly enough. A xenophobe, he loathed multicultural France and called for radical and symbolic acts to “reawaken the memory of our origins.”

By committing suicide in such a fashion, Venner certainly hoped to show the way to like-minded radical militants; he recently wrote: “sometimes words are not enough, they need to be substantiated by acts.”

The four-month-long campaign on the same-sex marriage bill, during which supporters and protesters fought each other, sometimes violently, with hundreds of arrests, certainly antagonized the country in unexpected ways.

If a majority of the French people backed equality of treatment and therefore civil union for all, with its strings of fiscal advantages, they did however split on the second part of the bill, and the question of adoption rights and access to IVF for gays and lesbians.

Read more: Hollande signs same-sex marriage bill

In France, unlike in Britain for example, adoption and IVF for gay couples — alongside automatic joint parenting rights — was still illegal until last Saturday and remains controversial, simply because it touches on the highly sensitive question of family and what family is made of.

Surveys have showed that the divide is both political and generational: The Left is, for the most part, in favour of the same-sex marriage law while the hard Right, and leaders of the French Catholics, Muslims and Jews oppose it. The young, the educated and women are the main supporters of Hollande’s law.

The National Assembly was the theater where such French uneasiness played out: The bill required 172 hours of heated and angry discussion, and was the most debated in recent history. Even the laws introducing abortion in 1974, and the abolition of the death penalty in 1981, required fewer hours of debate in parliament and proved less contentious.

France is the ninth country in Europe (and the 14th in the world) to adopt same-sex marriage. The first civil union of this kind, between two gay men, will take place in Montpellier next week. It will likely take years for the whole of French society to adjust to this new reality.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Agnes Poirier.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/23/opinion/opinion-poirier-same-sex-marriage-suicide/index.html?eref=edition

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Opinion: Tiger moms, don’t turn your kids into robots

I owe everything I am and have accomplished to my parents. My family expected a lot from me only because they believed in me and wanted the best for me. They pushed me to excel because they valued me as an individual.

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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Grace Liu.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/17/opinion/liu-tiger-parents/index.html?eref=edition

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Editor’s note: Peggy Drexler is the author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family” and “Raising Boys Without Men.” She is an assistant professor of psychology at Weill Medical College of Cornell University and a former gender scholar at Stanford University. Join her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @drpeggydrexler.

(CNN) — In the three days since Disney crowned its 11th official princess and people got a glimpse of the “new” Merida — Disney’s doll version of the fire-haired heroine of the Oscar-winning animated film “Brave” — there’s been much uproar. The princess-ified Merida aimed at the merchandising market is hippier, her neckline a little more plunging and off-the-shoulder than it was in the film. Her features are softer. And is that lipstick she’s wearing?

Disney was quickly taken to task by many, including the film’s writer and co-director Brenda Chapman, who called the makeover a “blatantly sexist marketing move based on money” that strips the character of her place as a “better, stronger role model … something of substance, not just a pretty face that waits around for romance.” The implication, of course, being that pretty girls can’t be role models. Or have substance.

Let me be clear: As a female heroine, Merida was revolutionary, and we should have more like her. Increasingly, we do. Disney’s Mulan — the female warrior from its 1998 animated film — was one, in fact.

And indeed, in the film, Merida’s best features were the ones that had nothing to do with her body, her face or her outfits. She was outspoken and unafraid, independent and empowered. She stood up for herself and others. She carried a bow and arrow, and she knew how to use it — far more skillfully than the boys, besides. She was perfectly subversive as a princess for all the reasons that had nothing to do with her looks. (Though let’s be honest: Her wild mane of red hair could not have meant to be anything but ravishing.)

At the same time, she was undeniably sexy, if you consider strong women sexy — and don’t we?

Dolls are built on the notion of fantasy. They are not true to life — but even less true, by nature of their technical limitations, than cartoons, which benefit from animation that’s often so precise as to appear real. As toys, dolls take on many of the characteristics that the child playing with them chooses to impart. Part of parenting is to help children explore the many options that life offers, to tap into the vast reaches of their imagination, but also to know the difference between what’s fiction and fantasy and what’s reality.

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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peggy Drexler.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/14/opinion/drexler-brave-heroine/index.html?eref=edition

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Editor’s note: Kim Wong Keltner is an author, most recently of “Tiger Babies Strike Back,” a nonfiction about the parenting style of Tiger Moms.

(CNN) — When I was a kid, I was obedient and quiet. I automatically knew that talking too loud, making a fuss or being assertive would never fly. I did what I was told.

I was a Chinese girl.

I adhered to my parents’ wishes that I get top grades and perform well in the activities they had chosen for me.

But after all the hours of homework, grueling afternoons of practicing arpeggios on the piano to perfection, four hours of Chinese school after regular school, Chinese calligraphy lessons with the stiff brush and stinky ink, after the chores, basketball practice and memorization of Chinese poems, eventually I wanted to feel known for myself, not just my accomplishments.

In the song “In My Room,” Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys sang, “… Do my dreaming and my scheming, laugh at yesterday.” Obviously, he wasn’t Chinese.

When you are a kid in hyperdrive, daydreaming and lying on your bed doing nothing doesn’t fit into the schedule.

It didn’t occur to my parents to ask for my opinion. That might promote individual thinking. And thinking for oneself is not part of the plan.

Chinese culture emphasizes acting according to your place in the family — you are the Number One Son, Third Daughter, Fifth Wheel or maybe just another mouth to feed. Everyone has a part to play, and if you don’t like the role you’ve been given, the mandate is still “don’t make trouble.”

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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Kim Wong Keltner.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/10/opinion/keltner-tiger-mom/index.html?eref=edition

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Editor’s note: Peggy Drexler is the author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family” and “Raising Boys Without Men.” She is an assistant professor of psychology at Weill Medical College of Cornell University and a former gender scholar at Stanford University. Join her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @drpeggydrexler.

(CNN) — Eleven years ago, Brenda Heist dropped off her young kids at school — and never returned. Not to pick them up later, and not to their Pennsylvania home. The family thought she was dead. That something terrible had happened to her. What else could explain the sudden disappearance of a woman her daughter, then 8, later described as a “great” mom?

But then last week, after more than a decade, Heist turned up in Florida, revealing to police that she hadn’t been kidnapped or killed. She had, she said, been stressed.

Most mothers are familiar with the feeling — for some it’s more fleeting than for others — of total exhaustion, frustration, a sense of being overwhelmed by duty and the responsibility of raising children. Maybe some indulge in a momentary fantasy of running away.

Though there are no hard numbers, reports would seem to indicate that the number of moms who actually do run away — or at least walk away — is increasing. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of single fathers has been rising steadily, from more than 600,000 in 1982 to more than 2 million in 2011. Anecdotally, too, we’re hearing more from mothers who leave their children due to choice or circumstance. There’s Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, who wrote in an essay for Salon.com that she realized, when her sons were 3 and 5 that she didn’t want to be a full-time mother anymore. There are even support groups now for women who decide to leave their children.

What is happening?

It’s hard to say, but our increasingly me-first world might have something to do with it. According to a study published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, clinical narcissism –defined by heightened feelings of entitlement, decreased morality and a dog-eat-dog mentality — has increased by 30% over the past 20 years. Two out of every three people now measure high for the disorder.

A 2010 New York magazine story titled “All Joy and No Fun: Why parents hate parenting,” for example, cited a 2004 study by behavioral economic Daniel Kahneman that found that child care ranked 16th in pleasure out of 19 activities among the Texas women surveyed. Except, of course, parenting isn’t always supposed to be fun. Whoever said it was?

Mothers who abandon their children tend to be judged far more harshly by society, and by their children, than fathers who do the same — though not because of outcome. According to various studies, including a 1994 report in the Journal of Family Issues, children raised in single-father homes as a whole fare as well as those in single-mother homes. From an emotional standpoint, there are no studies to show that children of absentee mothers are angrier than those of absentee fathers. But anecdotally, this seems to be the case.

If this is true, it has to do with the fact that although stereotypical gender roles for women have changed, with more men staying home to raise the kids as mom brings home the bacon and father cooks it, societal expectations for mothers remain rooted firmly in the traditional.

Case in point: Although the number of stay-at-home fathers — about 154,000 according to the 2010 census — is on the rise, women still carry out more of the domestic work, according to a report by Pew Research Center. American culture, meanwhile, is still conditioned –through the media and pop culture — to believe that many women’s greatest desire is to have a baby. When mothers abandon their children, it’s seen as unnatural.

Could this imbalance of responsibility and expectation be another reason more women are abandoning their children? It’s possible. As one married mother of two, Janelle, told me, “My husband doesn’t do much. I have to do and plan for everything myself.” It’s easy to see where resentment could come in.

The positive spin: Most experts, myself included, agree that it’s better for a child to have an absent parent than a parent who’s present but neglectful — or worse.

And in my experience, children who come to accept the abandonment of a parent, specifically a mother, tend to be more forgiving when they believe that in doing so they were given a better life, whether that was the mother’s intent or not.

Of course, every single case is different and there are few generalizations to be made. Brenda Heist’s children, for their part, want nothing to do with their mother. The good news is that being raised by a single parent does not condemn a child to a disadvantaged life. These days, the unconventional family is the norm. Thankfully, when it comes to parenting, it’s quality over quantity.

Follow us on Twitter @CNNOpinion.

Join us on Facebook/CNNOpinion.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peggy Drexler.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/04/opinion/drexler-mothers-leaving/index.html?eref=edition

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Editor’s note: Peggy Drexler is the author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family” and “Raising Boys Without Men.” She is an assistant professor of psychology at Weill Medical College of Cornell University and a former gender scholar at Stanford University. Join her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @drpeggydrexler.

(CNN) — Eleven years ago, Brenda Heist dropped off her young kids at school — and never returned. Not to pick them up later, and not to their Pennsylvania home. The family thought she was dead. That something terrible had happened to her. What else could explain the sudden disappearance of a woman her daughter, then 8, later described as a “great” mom?

But then last week, after more than a decade, Heist turned up in Florida, revealing to police that she hadn’t been kidnapped or killed. She had, she said, been stressed.

Most mothers are familiar with the feeling — for some it’s more fleeting than for others — of total exhaustion, frustration, a sense of being overwhelmed by duty and the responsibility of raising children. Maybe some indulge in a momentary fantasy of running away.

Though there are no hard numbers, reports would seem to indicate that the number of moms who actually do run away — or at least walk away — is increasing. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of single fathers has been rising steadily, from more than 600,000 in 1982 to more than 2 million in 2011. Anecdotally, too, we’re hearing more from mothers who leave their children due to choice or circumstance. There’s Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, who wrote in an essay for Salon.com that she realized, when her sons were 3 and 5 that she didn’t want to be a full-time mother anymore. There are even support groups now for women who decide to leave their children.

What is happening?

It’s hard to say, but our increasingly me-first world might have something to do with it. According to a study published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, clinical narcissism –defined by heightened feelings of entitlement, decreased morality and a dog-eat-dog mentality — has increased by 30% over the past 20 years. Two out of every three people now measure high for the disorder.

A2010 New York magazine story titled “All Joy and No Fun: Why parents hate parenting,” for example, cited a 2004 study by behavioral economic Daniel Kahneman that found that child care ranked 16th in pleasure out of 19 activities among the Texas women surveyed. Except, of course, parenting isn’t always supposed to be fun. Whoever said it was?

Mothers who abandon their children tend to be judged far more harshly by society, and by their children, than fathers who do the same — though not because of outcome. According to various studies, including a 1994 report in the Journal of Family Issues, children raised in single-father homes as a whole fare as well as those in single-mother homes. From an emotional standpoint, there are no studies to show that children of absentee mothers are angrier than those of absentee fathers. But anecdotally, this seems to be the case.

If this is true, it has to do with the fact that although stereotypical gender roles for women have changed, with more men staying home to raise the kids as mom brings home the bacon and father cooks it, societal expectations for mothers remain rooted firmly in the traditional.

Case in point: Although the number of stay-at-home fathers — about 154,000 according to the 2010 census — is on the rise, women still carry out more of the domestic work, according to a report by Pew Research Center. American culture, meanwhile, is still conditioned –through the media and pop culture — to believe that many women’s greatest desire is to have a baby. When mothers abandon their children, it’s seen as unnatural.

Could this imbalance of responsibility and expectation be another reason more women are abandoning their children? It’s possible. As one married mother of two, Janelle, told me, “My husband doesn’t do much. I have to do and plan for everything myself.” It’s easy to see where resentment could come in.

The positive spin: Most experts, myself included, agree that it’s better for a child to have an absent parent than a parent who’s present but neglectful — or worse.

And in my experience, children who come to accept the abandonment of a parent, specifically a mother, tend to be more forgiving when they believe that in doing so they were given a better life, whether that was the mother’s intent or not.

Of course, every single case is different and there are few generalizations to be made. Brenda Heist’s children, for their part, want nothing to do with their mother. The good news is that being raised by a single parent does not condemn a child to a disadvantaged life. These days, the unconventional family is the norm. Thankfully, when it comes to parenting, it’s quality over quantity.

Follow us on Twitter @CNNOpinion.

Join us on Facebook/CNNOpinion.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peggy Drexler.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/04/opinion/drexler-mothers-leaving/index.html?eref=edition

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“With all of these viruses, we have to isolate them locally and put them in jail. It’s the only way to deal with a pandemic,” said Brilliant, now president of the Skoll Global Threats Fund. “Early warning systems are essential to protect us from the things that are humanity’s worst nightmare.”

“A pandemic would have not just deaths and medical consequences, but also — social disruption. There would be global recession and depression. Millions would lose their jobs. There would be no Internet and no flights,” explains Brilliant. “Would you get on an airplane with 250 people coughing and sneezing, when you knew some of them might carry a disease that could kill you? It would be apocalyptic.”

SARS 10 years on: How dogged detective work defeated an epidemic

Early detection is working. “In 1996, it took almost half a year — 167 days — to discover a potential pandemic. By 2009, it took only 23 days” says Brilliant. “The question is, how can we make that better? If we can drive that number down to a few days, to just one incubation period, it may be 100 years before that virus has the same mutation — maybe never.”

Early response and treatment are making a difference too.

“Viruses are much more fragile than you think,” he said. “H7N9, now circulating in China, doesn’t go person to person — it has to go from birds or pigs to people. That makes it more complicated to spread. So things have to go just right for a virus to become a pandemic. That’s why it’s important to contain it in one country.”

Just as the ease of international travel and the growth of global food supply chains help spread virulent new viruses, emerging technologies offer solutions to keep them at bay.

“We can find cases earlier with digital detection — Web self-reporting, SMS, Twitter, social networking, blogging, Internet searches, online news and health reporting,” said Brilliant, who was previously executive director of Google.org.

In that capacity, Brilliant helped develop a search system to try and beat the timeline of the official flu outbreak reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It worked.

“CDC reporting requires a patient to see a doctor, the doctor to gather samples and the samples to be analyzed,” explains Brilliant. “It’s a lot faster using crowd-sourcing technology — a cellphone or a computer that simply asks a person, ‘Are you healthy or sick?’ “

Currently, there are dozens of nonprofit sites that track disease outbreaks in real time, including healthmap.org and instedd.org. “Now, we really can see the flu coming and quickly know how to protect ourselves,” said Brilliant.

For decades, the WHO accepted information on potential outbreaks only through official channels — via, for example, a health minister. In 2007, the rules changed. Data now flows in through government and independent reporting.

Brilliant notes that some countries are going even farther. Through the recent launch of CORDS, a new entity bringing together regional disease surveillance networks, 28 different countries officially cooperate, sharing information to curb epidemics before they become pandemics.

H1N1 death toll may be 15 times higher than previously reported

“We have to enlist everyone’s support,” Brilliant said. “We are all in this together. Polio and guinea worm soon will be eradicated — and I hope to see a photo finish there.

“Eighty countries came together to end smallpox — the disease that reigned for more than two centuries, killing pharaohs and kings, is completely gone. Today, we are finding diseases faster than anyone ever imagined. Innovations in early detection, early response and global cooperation can put an end to pandemics. We are closer every day.”

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/04/18/health/tedmed-pandemics/index.html?eref=edition

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Titles that are aimed at children like The Simpsons: Tapped Out are being looked at to see if any unfair pressure to buy extra items is being applied.

The Office of Fair Trading (OFT) has turned its attention to the free-to-play market and is investigating whether or not players are being pressured into making in-app purchases.

The regulator is focusing on free web and app-based games targeted at children that then encourage additional content to be bought through micro-transactions.

The OFT will establish if these games are misleading, commercially aggressive or otherwise unfair with a particular focus on whether the titles include ‘direct exhortations’ to children, encouraging them to buy extra items. This form of pressure goes against the Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations Act 2008.

‘We are concerned that children and their parents could be subject to unfair pressure to purchase when they are playing games they thought were free, but which can actually run up substantial costs,’ said OFT senior director for goods and consumer Cavendish Elithorn. ‘The OFT is not seeking to ban in-game purchases, but the games industry must ensure it is complying with the relevant regulations so that children are protected.’

The OFT has contacted several developers and game hosting services alongside parenting and consumer groups as part of the investigation, although was unable to say which specific organisations it had included.

There have been several incidents in the news recently of parents discovering that their children have run up outrageous bills through in-app purchases on mobile devices. In February, a five-year-old managed to spend £1,700 on the free-to-play Zombies v Ninja and last month an eight-year-old did something similar racking up a £1,000 bill in donuts on The Simpsons: Tapped Out.

Apple has initially been reluctant to refund users in similar situations although in both of the above cases have allowed it. In the US, following a ruling in Pennsylvania, the company is to pay approximately £66m in compensation to parents in similar situations, although it is not yet compelled to do the same in the UK.

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Related: Parents defend right to keep guns in home

“From our own experience, we have been getting a lot more calls post the Newtown shooting,” said Becca Knox, senior manager of public health and safety for the Center to Prevent Youth Violence. The group is behind the ASK campaign, which encourages parents to quiz parents in homes where their children play about the presence of guns.

The acronym stands for “Asking Saves Kids.”

Despite incidents such as the recent death of a 6-year-old New Jersey boy shot in the head by a 4-year-old playmate, as well as the accidental shooting of a Tennessee sheriff’s deputy’s wife by a 4-year-old boy, accidental firearms deaths are rare among children.

Injuries are rare

According to the CDC’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 703 children under the age of 15 died in accidental firearms deaths between 2001 and 2010, the latest year for which the agency’s statistics on fatalities are available. During the same period, 7,766 children under the age of 14 suffered accidental firearms injuries — about one injury for every million children.

But statistics don’t matter much if it’s your child that’s shot, said Missy Carson Smith, founder of Gun Safe Mom, a campaign to make the gun question as common as asking about food allergies, swimming pools and video game limits.

“It just shreds your family,” said Smith, whose own teenage brother died in a shooting.

She started the campaign in 2009, after learning during a carpool trip that unsecured guns were in the home of a family where her daughter had played.

“The kids knew where they were, they could get to it,” she said. “That’s when my heart just dropped in my stomach.”

She resolved to ask the family about their guns, but first she had some housekeeping of her own to do: Her family had an unsecured gun, owned by her husband. After getting it out of the house, she reached out to the other family to ask about the weapons there.

“They didn’t realize that the way guns were stored in their home posed a threat to other people,” she said. “It was a good conversation.”

Since then, she hasreached out to friends and leaders in her Traverse City, Michigan, community to press her cause and encourage parents to routinely ask the question. She’s had the conversation with friends of her children probably 50 times, she says.

It’s not about gun rights, she stresses. In fact, she counsels parents to make a point of saying they understand and accept the rights of gun owners to have firearms — even loaded, unlocked weapons.

“If it works for you, cool,” she said.

The point, she says, is to make sure you’re comfortable with the environment where you’re sending your kids.

Smith says she’s heard of some pushback among parents — including the mother of an 18-month-old and a 3-year-old who told an educator who subscribes to Smith’s campaign that her children already knew how to handle weapons. Another critic responded to a recent newspaper article saying he didn’t want a “soccer mom telling me what to do with my weapons.”

But the response has been generally positive, she says.

Gun owner’s reaction

Among other supporters, she points to Traverse City businessman Howard Shelby, who describes himself as a National Rifle Association member and gun rights supporter.

In December, the father of a family who planned to vacation with Shelby’s grown daughter and her family called to ask if there were any weapons in the Shelby family’s Florida vacation home.

“I was impressed,” Shelby said, noting that he’d told the man that he had a well-secured shotgun in the home. The vacation went on as planned, Shelby said.

He later attended a Gun Safe Mom event and supports Smith’s mission.

As for Daggett, she said her friends responded well to the gun question the first time she asked it. The avid hunters assured her that all of their weapons were locked up in a gun safe.

She’s gotten better at asking the question since. It’s part of her standard rundown now, anytime she ponders allowing her kids to visit another family’s home.

With a curious 4-year-old daughter she calls “the raccoon” and a 13-year-old son — the age of so many school shooters and victims — she feels like she doesn’t have much choice.

“I could so easily see my son or one of his friends picking up a pistol and saying, ‘This is so cool!’ ” Daggett said.

Starting the conversation

Here are some tips from Knox and Smith about having the gun conversation with other parents:

– Start by having a family policy on firearms safety that you’re already following, Smith said. “If you’re not thinking about it ahead of time, you don’t really know what you like or don’t like,” she said.

– Don’t make gun safety a bigger deal than, say, pool safety or food allergies, but do make sure to clearly cover it, Knox said. “Blend it in with other topics,” she suggests. “It’s important to not make this too heavy or a subject that shouldn’t be talked about.”

– Don’t make judgments. “It’s not just what you say and the content of your question, but the manner you express your question,” Smith said.

– Don’t worry about offending other parents, Knox says. She said the group’s field work shows gun owners are rarely offended by the question, but concern about opening up a rift between families keeps some parents from talking about the issue. “It’s a barrier of anticipation,” she says.

– Have the conversation when kids aren’t around, Smith suggests. She recounted the experience of a friend who brought up the issue when her son’s young friends were around. Their mother froze — she hadn’t told the children that a gun was in the home. It turns out the weapons were secured, Smith said. “But she didn’t want the kids to know they were there.” Whether you agree with that or not, respect the other family’s values, Smith said.

Article source: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/04/10/living/guns-parenting/index.html?eref=edition

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